Woman vs. Man

WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.
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WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'
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The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM ' He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM Wake up.
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

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God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece

He is HIRED!

I had to post this, its too funny!

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Resimay

To hoom it mae cunsern,

I waunt to apply for the reporter job what I saw in the paper. I can Type real quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting.

I think I am good on the phone and no I am a pepole person, Pepole really seam to respond to me well. Certain men and all the ladies.

Im lookin for a Jobb as a reporter but it musent be to complicaited.

I no my spelling is not to good but find that I Offen can get a job thru my persinalety. My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth,

I can start imeditely... Thank you in advanse fore yore anser.

hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.

Sinseerly,

BRYAN nikname Beefy

PS : Because my resimay is a bit short - below is a pickture of me.

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Employer's response:.....

Dear Beefy-I mean Bryan,

It's OK honey, we've got spell check. You're hired.

Whats "Normal"...

What is does it mean to be "Normal".. Well according too Wikipedia.. behavior, normal refers to a lack of significant deviation from the average. The phrase "not normal" is often applied in a negative sense (asserting that someone or some situation is improper, sick, etc.). Abnormality varies greatly in how pleasant or unpleasant this is for other people; somebody may half-jokingly be called "pleasantly disturbed".

The Oxford English Dictionary defines "normal" as 'conforming to a standard'. This, although almost right, is not entirely correct. "A normal" is someone who conforms to the ideals of society. This can be for any number of reasons, ranging from the positive (genuine admiration for and acceptance of society's standard, for example) to the negative (fear of humiliation, fear of rejection, fear of being thought mad).

So.. what kinds of "things" are normal ... going out with friends, eating peanut butter with a spoon, playing Nintendo for hours, sneezing 5 times in a row, driving with with your music blasting..

What about things like:
(These are actually things someone I know does..)

• Brushing teeth with hand soap
• Brushing teeth with Dishwasher detergent
  
• Freezing candy corn
• Making cookies with pancake mix
• Making dinner while singing "Hit me baby one more time"
• Eating salad covered in "spray butter"
  
• Asking questions like "You don't want go to the mall, correct?"
  
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If there are any other "Normal" things you want to add to my list, just leave a comment and let me know.

I AM...

EXCITED: It is the weekend!!

TIRED: .. Of SCHOOL

RELIEVED: .. ahh.. Its the weekend!!

ANTICIPATING: The school semester to be over!

WONDERING:. When my allergies will stop

MISSING: Family members I have not seen in a while.

HOPING: To be able to pass my accounting/math class.

LOVING: .. My new pants.. They are actually long enough, which is a RARE Gem!

DEBATING: .. What fun activity to partake in tonight!

CRAVING: .. Some juicy Pineapple!

WISHING:.. It would Rain!

THANKFUL: .. Family, friends, food, shelter, music, water, clothes :)

ATTEMPTING: To get through the school day.. only one class left!

13 Random Health Facts You Never Knew

Here are 13 fun health Facts Provided by Dr. Mercola -

1) Motorists who talk on cell phones are more impaired than drunk drivers with blood-alcohol levels exceeding .08.

2) Banging your head against a wall burns 150 calories an hour.

3) In some parts of the world, they protect their babies from disease by bathing them in beer.

4) The word ‘gymnasium’ comes from the Greek word gymnazein, which means ‘to exercise naked.’

5) There are more than 1,000 chemicals in a cup of coffee; of these, only 26 have been tested, and half caused cancer in rats.

6) The average American eats at McDonald’s more than 1,800 times in their life.

7) There are more bacteria in your mouth than there are people in the world.

8) According to U.S. FDA standards, 1 cup of orange juice is allowed to contain 10 fruit fly eggs, but only 2 maggots.

9) You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.

10) It is possible to go blind from smoking too heavily.

11) Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.

12) You are about 1 centimeter taller in the morning than in the evening.

13) During your lifetime, you’ll eat about 60,000 pounds of food -- that’s the weight of about 6 elephants.

Here is the Original Article